After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
