I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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