He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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