david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I didn't notice because vodka
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
