Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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