It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
