Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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