he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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