All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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