Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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