So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
