Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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