you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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