Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
