I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Randomize
