The maid of honor just puked.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
