Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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