I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
