Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
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OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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