Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
