so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
