We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
