I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
