i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
