I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
