did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
