Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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