I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
