How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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