we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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