"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
