im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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