you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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