either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
