I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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