I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize