Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
