remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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