I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
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Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
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How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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