So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize