I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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