Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
