Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
