Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
