haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
