Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
