I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
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would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
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I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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