he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
