She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
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I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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