theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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