I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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