She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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