I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
if only i could text you this smell
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
is it fun? or sober?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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