textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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