I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
