i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My dick has a subreddit
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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