Me. At least after what I've been through.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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