After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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