Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
