rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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