I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
